Divination Distillate

Find Love With These 18 Old Halloween Fortune-Telling Tricks

This was especially true in Ireland, Scotland, and Wales. Halloween is rooted in the festival of Samhain, the Celtic New Year, in which worshippers believed the gates between our present reality and the netherworld briefly shut down. It was a night for consulting the spirit realm for adviceespecially on love and marriage. In fact, Halloween was just as romantic as our modern Valentines Day, if not more so.

3.Find a blackberry bush. Crawl underneath the branches. In the moonlight, youmay findthe shadow of your future beloved. (Also possible: blackberries.)

16.Place two nuts on a fire and recitethese words:If you hate me spit and fly; if you love me burn away. If the nuts roll apart, you may separate soon from your spouse. If both burn, your relationship is secure. A similar divination involves placing two peas on a red-hot shovel.

Happy National Tequila Day! While you could celebrate by having a few drinks, you could also skip the hangover by unlocking one of tequilas amazing abilities outside of the glass. Many spirits are useful for activities beyond sipping (vodka, for example, is a great stain and odor remover), but tequila holds some particularly magical powers. Here are just a few of them.

County and state fairs have long beenhotbeds(sizzling, oily hotbeds) of wild, deep-frying invention. Dunking things in batter and then tossing them into a vat of oil is a nifty way to turn almost anything into a delicious crisp pocket of junky decadence, perfect for utensil-free eatingbut that doesnt mean thateverythingneeds to get the deep-fried treatment. While deep-fried Oreos may be a stroke of brilliance, deep fried butter is just plain madness. Heres a quick test: If you wouldnt eat something if it werent deep-fried, dont eat it if itisdeep-fried. When was the last time you ate an entire stick of butter? See? Point proven.

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Apparently, theres nothing that Pizza Hut loves more than using its crust as a delivery system for other junk food items. The hut that pizza built may have crammedhot dogs and hamburgerson to their pie sides, but there was something special about the Cheesy Bites Remix pizza. It featured fried cheese pockets stuffed with three different varieties of extra junk, from spicy seasoning to cream cheese and sesame to mozzarella and parmesan.

17.Its time to break out the Luggie Bowls! Place three bowls side by side: Fill the first with clear water, the second with dirty water, and the third with no water at all. Blindfold yourself and ask a friend to rearrange the bowls. Dunk your left forefinger into one of the bowls. If you choose the clear bowl, youll enjoy a happy marriage. The dirty water, on the other hand, indicates an unhappy marriage, and the empty bowl means no marriage at all. Robert Burns describes Luggie Bowls in apoem:

But her tap-pickle maist [nearly] was lost,

6.Step outside and pluck a hair from your head. (If balding, skip to the next divination.) At nightfall, toss the hair into the wind. The direction the hair flies will indicate the direction from which your future spouse will come. In 1714, the English dramatist John Gay mentioned this custom inthis poem:

Find Love With These 18 Old Halloween Fortune-Telling Tricks

In 2008, a team of scientists in Mexico discovered that when the heated vapor from an 80-proof tequila blanco was combined with a silicon or stainless steel substrate, it resulted in the formation ofdiamond films. These films can be used in commercial applications, such as electrical insulators, or to create one big fake diamond. Who knew that spending $50 on a bottle of Don Julio was such a wise investment?

The Florida State Fair is the proud home of the first fried ice cream sandwich, a junky treat that bears a name that doesnt even begin to explain what it holds between its buns. Its not a fried ice cream sandwich so much as a bacon cheeseburger (technically a sandwich) topped with a ball of fried ice cream. It might be a good meal for multi-taskersno need to worry about dessertbut it doesnt sound like the kind of thing good for anything else.

8.Grab an egg, prepare a glass of water, and school yourself inoomancy! Crack the egg and carefully drip the whites into the water three times: The goop will contort to form the initials of your future beloved. (But be careful: Morton writes of a young man who was so disturbed by his eggy divination, he drank heavily and became a beggar who committed suicide by downing laudanum. The girls ofSalemalso attempted to read egg whites, and, well, we know how that turned out.)

2.Eat an entiresalted herring, bones and all, in three bites. Do not drink water. Go to bed. In your dreams, prophetic visions of your future spouse shall appear. (Also possible: indigestion.)

If youve ever hit up your local Dunkin Donuts for breakfast and found yourself stumped when it came time to decide if you wanted a donut or a breakfast sandwich to get your morning motor revving, Dunkin Donuts came up with a brilliant culinary brainstorm in 2013: The fast food favoriteunveileda breakfast sandwich that used glazed donuts as bread, wrapped around bacon and peppered egg.

5.Trespass on your neighbors garden. Strap on a blindfold, and began searching forkale. Upon finding the vegetable, attempt to pull the kale from the dirt. The shape of the kales root shall foretell your future: A straight stalk foretold a tall straight handsome mate, and dirt clinging to the kale promised money, Morton writes. (Dont snicker: This divination was once a popular matchmaking tool in Scotland, and, if youre of Scottish descent, theres a chance that you owe your entire existence to a stalk of kale.)

9.Book a ticket to the Scottish Highlands, specifically to Ross-shire where this trick supposedly originated. Find a field in which the furrows run north to south. Wait for dark. Enter the field from the west, and gently walk over 11 furrows. Stop at the 12th, wait, and listen for your fortune: If you hear sobbing, you may die early; if you hear music, your future will be joyful. (And if you hear a man or woman grumbling about getting off their lawn, your future likely holds a trespassing charge.)

I pluck this lock of hair from off my head

Public Domain, viaWikimedia Commons

With Lisa Mortons exhaustive bookThe Halloween Encyclopediaas our guide, weve cobbled together some of the best romantic divination techniques from the Celtic New Year celebrations. Keep in mind that as far-fetched as some of these fortune-telling games may seem, they were largely viewed as playful parlor gamesopportunities for friends to set potential suitors up, or for a bashful lad or lass to spark a courtship. When playing a game, a clever hostess will send two unsuspecting lovers by different doors; Martha Orne suggests inHalloween And How to Celebrate It, they are sure to meet, and not infrequently settle matters then and there.

Not content to have a bacon sandwich between two chicken filets? Is a grilled cheese bun replacement not for you? Then try making your very ownhamburger bunsout of bacon. Carbs are bad for you, right?

Youve Been Using Your Can Opener Wrong

Whiz-bang chefGuy Fierihas long drawn ire for his more wild culinary creations, but what sets his cuisine apart from that of other junk food aficionados is his steadfast dedication to the key elements of any extreme item: size and odd combinations. FierisGuys Cheesecake Challengeis currently on the menu of his Vegas Kitchen and Bar, but its easy enough to replicate at home: Just halve a cheesecake, throw it on a plate, and douse liberally with hot fudge, pretzels, and potato chips. (What, no bacon?)

18.Pour half a pint of high-proof brandy in a dish.Ignite it. Throw a handful of raisins, nuts, candied figs, and other tiny fruits into the blaze. Then gather a group of friends and attempt to remove as many items as possible, trying your best to toss them into your mouth without getting burnt. Whoever retrieves the most fruits and nuts is destined to meet their true love in one year. (In Britain, this game, known asSnap-Dragon, was mostly a Christmas Eve parlor gameCharles Dickens wrote about it inThe Pickwick Papersbut, in the United States, it supposedly became a Halloween pastime.)

15.At midnight, scoop up a heaping spoonful of salt and insert it into your mouth. Do not swallow. Then light a candle, grab a mirror, and, while holding both candle and mirror in your hands, begin walking backward into the cellar. Watch the mirror. As you reach the bottom, youll see the face of your future spouse staring back at you. (According tothe aptly titledBook of Entertainments and Frolics for All Occasions, This is most easily accomplished if there be a tacit agreement that some cavalier shall be in waiting for the inquiring maid.)

Scientists have long promoted the potential benefits of theagave plantfor its ability to help dissolve fats and lower cholesterol. The bad news? These properties get a bit diluted when the plant is distilled into alcohol. Even more so when its whipped into a sugary margarita.

Once again, a wily restaurant chain took a normal food itemin this case, a hamburgerand amped up its junk factor by doing away with something as commonplace as buns, in favor of an entirely different (and, yes, very junky) item. In 2010, Friendlys rolled out its veryown spinon the Double Down, slamming a regular old burger between not one, buttwogrilled cheese sandwiches. Who needs buns when you can have four pieces of bread, gooey cheese, and unfathomable amounts of butter?

Take three or more shots of tequila and youre bound to pass out. A single shot can have the same effectjust not in that drunken stupor kind of way. Relaxation is one of the positiveside effectsof tequila drinking; a small amount (1 to 1.5 ounces) before bedtime can reportedly help you fall asleep faster and sleep more soundly.

We may associate items like fast food pizza and hot dog-stuffed anything with all-American palates, but cheesy juggernaut Pizza Hut saw things a bit differently. In 2012, the chain introduced a pizza with ahot dog-stuffedcrust to our neighbors across the pond, treating their UK customers to the kind of taste sensation some people might have had literal nightmares about. Is it a pizza? Is it a hot dog? Somehow, its bothand yet something much more.

Perhaps the most unexpectedly clever way to create a new extreme junk food item is to turn a non-junky foodstuff into something that just oozes calories and decadence. Fried chicken giant KFC knew thatand played it up to major effectwhen they introduced the KFCDouble Downto America back in 2010. The sandwich foregoes the most traditional aspect of any sandwich (the bread!) and substitutes two fried chicken filets. In between the two pieces of chicken? Bacon, two different kinds of cheese, and the Colonels secret sauce. Theres no room for a bun here, folks.

7.Spread a fine layer of cornmeal near your bed. (People with carpet can probably skip this one.) Sleep. In the morning, the name of your future spouse will be scribbled in the powder. (This bit of divinationwas supposedly practiced by children in the American south.)

12.Buy a knife and find a field of leeks. At night, walk backwards through the field, and stab one of the leeks with the knife. Hide, then watch. According toCeltic lore, your future spouse will walk through the field, pick up the knife, and chuck it to the middle of the garden.

.5 ounce of fresh lime juice (for Vitamin C)

to tell whence comes the one that I shall wed.

4.Procuretwo apple seeds. Wet the seeds. Designate one seed for Love Interest A, and the second seed for Love Interest B. Press the seeds against your forehead or eyelids. Wait. The first apple seed to fall will indicate the least faithful of the two suitors.

Until you reach the spot where my true love is found.

Plenty of liquids is a well-known remedy for getting oneself out from under the weather. But expanding that definition to include a kicked-up shot of tequila makes a day laid out on the couch sound much more appealing. In the 1930s,doctorsin Mexico recommended the following concoction to fight off a cold.

Before trick-or-treat, the sugar lobby, and mass-producedDavid S. Pumpkinscostumes took over Halloween celebrations, fortune-telling games were one of the most popular ways to enjoy our spookiest holiday.

It should come as no surprise that National Junk Food Day is traditionally celebrated on July 21smack dab in the middle of thedog daysof summer, when the streets run thick with ice cream trucks and county fairs boast the kind of fried treats that can only be described as awesome (both in the modern sense and the more datedwhoa, we are in awe of thatusage). But National Junk Food Day shouldnt be celebrated with commonplace junk food; oh, no, it deserves something far bigger and better. So save your potato chips and chocolate bars for another day, and get ready to try some truly wild treats.

Fly, silken hair, fly all the world around,

13.Visit a farm and pull up a stalk ofoats. If the stalk is missing the tiny seeds at the topwhat the Scots called thepicklethen youll lose your virginity before marriage. (For people who have already sowed their oats, pulling up a stalk of oats is probably unnecessary.) The Scottish poet Robert Burnsrefersto this custom, alluding to a womans virginity as the tap-pickle:

Too much of a good thing may not bring a welcome turn of events for your liver but your colon will thank you! Researchers at Mexicos University of Guadalajara haveidentifiedthe blue agave as a potentially helpful source for delivering drugs to the colon in order to treat colitis, IBS, Crohns disease and even cancer.

11.Locate the nearest lime-kiln. Then locate the nearest arts and crafts store and buy blue yarn. Throw the ball of yarn into the kiln while grasping the opposite end. Reel in the yarn. When you feel a tug from the other end, ask for the name of your future beloved, and a disembodied voice will belch his or her name. (Thistraditionoriginates in lower Scotland, where it was believed that mythical household goblins called Brownies lived in the kilnsand, well, everywhere else.)

1.Acquire a newborn baby. Encourage it to sip from a bowl. Afterward, return the baby. Retain the bowl and fill it with water, then cut all 26 letters of the alphabet from a newspaper or magazineor write the letters on 26 slips of paperand place the papers into the bowl. Leave it to sit overnight. The next morning blindfold yourself, dip your hand into the bowl, and pull out the same number of slips as letters that are in your name. Using those slips, you should be able to spell the name of your future spouse. (You can thank the people of Newfoundland forthis custom.)

Keeping with the science theme: In 2011, researchers at Englands University of Oxford suggested that we may one day begassing upour cars with tequila. They identified agave, the plant from which tequila is produced, as a potential biofuel sourceand a particularly attractive one, as the plant itself is not consumed by humans and can thrive in desert climates.

What Jacks Munchie Meals lack in creativity, they more than make up for in pure, unadulterated size and content. Each Munchie Mealthere arefour totalfeatures a massive sandwich (from the Stacked Grilled Cheese Burger to the Spicy Nacho Chicken Sandwich, and all sorts of wild fried things in between) accompanied with two beef tacos, Halfsies (a combo of fries and curly fries), and a 20-ounce fountain drink. These intense snack boxes are still available at most Jack in the Box locations, but youll have to wait until after 9 p.m. to procure your very own.

Because he gat the toom-dish [empty] thrice

6. DUNKIN DONUTSS GLAZED DONUT BREAKFAST SANDWICH

If Ernest Hemingway had known about the healing properties of tequila, his signature drink might have been a margarita instead of a daiquiri. In 2010, experiments conducted at Mexicos Polytechnic Institute of Guanajuatorevealedthat the agave plant (which is high in fructans, a fructose polymer) could stimulate the GLP-1 hormone, aiding in increased insulin production.

10.Find a snail. Go to the hearth, scoop up ashes, and scatter them across a plate. (Hearthless? Use flour!) Place the snail on the plate and go to sleep. In the morning, check the snails slime trail: It will have spelled the initials of your true love.

Perhaps its time to bring a few of these back?

3. FRIENDLYS GRILLED CHEESE BURGERMELT

14.Attain a willow branch or wand. While holding it in the left or right hand, run around your housethree times. Meanwhile, whisper, He that is to be my goodman, come to grip the end of it. During the third lap, thefetchthat is, the living spiritof your future spouse will appear and grab it. (Willow is a interesting choice of wand, since it used to be a symbol of curmudgeonry. In the Scottish Highlands, placing apeeled willow wandon your door was a sign that you wished nobody to enter your house.)

.5 ounce of agave nectar (to eliminate bacteria and soothe sore throats)

What kiutlin [fondling] in the fause-house

Though some people (includingtequila companies) swear by its healing powers, others say itshogwash.

In August 2010, Dennys introduced theFried Cheese Melt, a grilled cheese sandwich stuffed with fried mozzarella sticks. Yes, it was served with both French fries and a side of marinara sauce, because its important to eat vegetables with every meal.

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